- Be the University of Virginia (UVA).
- Your fans should show up to the game, but they should be absolutely sure to NOT BE THAT INTO IT. All males should be wearing a dress shirt (nicely pressed and tucked), khaki shorts, an orange and blue tie (diagonally striped), and boat shoes. No exceptions. All females should be wearing sun dresses. Again, no exceptions.
- In the three hours immediately prior to kick-off, all occupants of fraternity houses, or any other houses within a three mile radius of Scott Stadium, must be in their front yards mingling around a game of “Corn Hole” (Opposing teams try to throw a bean bag into a hole cut out of a wooden thing. Participants hold red solo cups filled with beer, and that big guy [the one who is wearing the hat with the confederate flag on it] comes out onto the porch and says “Bra, I didn’t even know William and Mary had a football team [High-five, high-five, high-five...]“).
- At halftime, sitting on a 14-13 lead, half of your student body (UVA’s) should leave the game. “Corn Hole” ISN’T GOING TO PLAY ITSELF.
- You should use three quarterbacks, commit seven turnovers, and pay your coach 1.6 million dollars a year.
- From here on out, all you need to do is “hear the thunder of [Willam and Mary's] chorus, Alma Mater hail.” . They also sing it to candle-light. Also, their symphony does it.
- Wallow in deep, deep shame. Overhear someone say “Bra, I didn’t even know William and Mary had a football team.” Where there were once high-fives remains only the saddest sort of silence. No amount of drunken Corn-Holing can cover this pain.
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September 7th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
It’s spelled “hail.”
September 7th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Thank you, Andrew.
September 7th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Good job getting into UVA. oh wait, you didn’t
September 7th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
W&M sucks– good job not being a tool. Oh wait, you are
September 7th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
W&M sucks- haha, that’s laughable. Anything that’s capable of holding a red solo cup can get into UVA.
September 7th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Thank god I didn’t go to UVA! I was hesitant about going to a big school that focused on graduate school. The victory is icing on the cake! As an undergraduate, good to go to an undergraduate school like W&m. If you’re gong to grad school, good to go to a factory to take advantage of the big alumni network.
Go Tribe!
September 7th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Amusing article, although the best part of this is the comments tbqh. People taking sports too seriously is amusing for all.
September 7th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
did thomas jefferson make UVa for all his friends that couldn’t get into W&M? yeah.
September 7th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
F*** y’all! College is for pussies.
September 8th, 2009 at 1:24 am
Sorry that you guys have no social life at W&M. Sorry that the girls at your school are butt ugly.
Our football team blows, you guys played better. But at the end of the day you guys still go to W&M. If all you can make fun of us for is that we dress well, I will take that as a compliment.
Also sorry that you had to go to the back up school.
September 8th, 2009 at 2:10 am
Sore loser much? Tons of us willingly chose W&M over UVA, myself included. The academics are comparable; it’s really just the choice of style, and I happened to prefer a smaller, more intimate setting where I didn’t have to wear a sundress and my classmates were actually diverse. And since I didn’t care much about football, it didn’t bother me that UVA had a good team and ours didn’t compare.
People always said the main thing UVA had over us was a football team, but now…
September 8th, 2009 at 2:17 am
To the UVA student who thinks tucked in polo shirts and topsiders count as “dressing well”, that’s hilarious.
Almost as hilarious as your school losing to William & Mary.
September 8th, 2009 at 8:51 am
Ha! Yeah, what about those of us who got Echols Scholar to UVA and chose William and Mary? I suppose if I’d wanted to run around in a flock of tools all the time, I could have… But a school of genuinely nice people with more than 300 years of history just seemed like a better bet.
September 8th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
check out my new single y’all
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTdFqNrwgEU
September 8th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Julie, you’re full of it. W&M is less diverse than UVA, just not by much.
http://collegeprowler.com/college-of-william–and–mary/diversity/
September 8th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
““Bra, I didn’t even know William and Mary had a football team.”
Heh, I don’t think most students at W&M know it, either.
I mean, c’mon, football players that actually graduate, with real degrees, and diplomas instead of rap sheets – what kind of football program is *that*?!
Guess it must actually double-suck to lose to a school like *that* …
“All males should be wearing a dress shirt (nicely pressed and tucked), khaki shorts, an orange and blue tie (diagonally striped), and boat shoes. No exceptions. All females should be wearing sun dresses. Again, no exceptions.”
Yikes.
I’m sorry. If there’s something we could do, you know, let us know, ok?
“People always said the main thing UVA had over us was a football team, but now…”
Well, there’s the keggers, and the sun-dresses, and the whole “projectile vomiting” thing, (usually all kinda wrapped up together), so, you know, got that whole thing going for them …
And don’t forget the intellectual pursuits. Like, uh …
“Corn Hole”
September 9th, 2009 at 12:41 am
Dan, those numbers bear little resemblance to my college experience. Maybe I was just friends with every single international student and minority at the school, but I doubt it. I’m another one who was offered the Echols Scholarship, but steered clear because I didn’t like the good-old-boy, football culture at UVA. It’s just a difference in taste.
But who knows? Maybe this recent defeat will change things. Though if you got me really drunk at a cornhole game I might admit that we’re both awesome schools and Virginia is lucky to have two such institutions